Lying During Dating

It Always Backfires...

As tempting as it may be to embellish, exaggerate or change one's life by reframing things to a date, this will usually surface and subsequently create a problem in your relationship.

Lying can be as innocent as saying you live alone when you live with your mom, to something more serious such as saying you are divorced when you are actually just separated. We lie usually to impress the other person or to cover up something that we fear may detract from our image.

In the movie "Something About Mary" one of the characters makes up he's an architect, that his profession is working with special kids and other lies to impress Mary. She actually liked him for these qualities and though most people do not go to this extreme, the movie showed how it really blew up in his face when his true character was revealed. 

Obviously you may not want to immediately go into downloading your life with someone and mentioning drug recovery, jail time or other parts of your history right away. However, as the relationship and dating builds it is good to share your life with someone.

If you are asked questions early on that you aren't ready to discuss, you can say that you would like to talk about it when you are ready. This is a better approach than to lie or deny something. Keep in mind that everyone has skeletons in their closet and most people are understanding. 

Expect that some people may be uncomfortable with certain issues. Some people will never date a former alcoholic even with a ten year sobriety record because they had an ex with that problem or a dad with an alcohol abuse issue.

The memories may just be too vivid for people with certain histories . It can be similar to a sore spot on your arm just can't be touched without wincing. However, communication and true honesty are always the best ways to grow a relationship and often can cure many past memories involving difficult family or marital situations.