Dating and Being Used

Do You Know How To Tell?

If you watch any daytime court tv programs such as The People's Court, Judge Mathis or Judge Judy, many of the cases involve someone who is suing an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend for money which they loaned to them during the relationship. This brings up the whole topic of being used or taken advantage of while in a dating relationship.

Are you questioning if you are being loved for yourself or you are a victim of a freeloader? What are some signs that you may be with someone treating you as a means and not an end?

If the person you are dating is living with you and not paying rent or contributing to your living situation
financially or in terms of taking on any responsibilities, take a look more closely.

Love is not a barter system, but if it seems very one-sided where you are not only working, but also doing the shopping, errands and household chores, then this is something to examine further while doing some soul searching.

How do you know if you are loved for yourself or for what you do for another? Look for some clues such as whether you don't feel there are strong mutual feelings. If you think your feelings for the other are much stronger and and you are doing the sacrifices examine this honestly.

It doesn't mean that you are being taken for a ride, but it does mean that you may be very generous and be giving more than receiving. It gets complicated because psychologically we feel that by giving to someone they may grow to love us, through your giving actions.

Evaluate if you are doing most of the giving. A red flag should go up if this includes loaning money, paying for extra cell phone minutes on his or her phone and covering big purchases. Try to study the person's history as well as past relationships to see if they have a pattern of this tendency.

No one wants to be loved for their things rather than themself but sadly there is a tendency some people have to treat someone as a means rather than an end.